Rabbi's Blog - July/August/September 2011

True Colours

23/9/2011

Kids are the ideal prop, whether literally or anecdotally. Find me a politician who will refuse being pictured hugging a child and I’ll show you a Jewish mother who will refuse a bowl of chicken soup. Being seen in any way as even remotely anti-kid is a big negative in society. It reflects mean-spiritedness and no one wants to be associated with such people.

So it was to be expected that those protesting the opening of the new Etz Chaim Free School in Mill Hill insisted it had nothing to do with denying children school places. It was to do with the Garden Centre that had been around for so long, a haven for the elderly and disabled. This it certainly was. I myself had ventured in there on enough occasions, often with my children in tow. There was something tranquil about the place, like an oasis in the middle of town. But as has been noted time and again, it was losing money for its parent company Wyevale Garden Centre and they were keen to sell.

Whether WGC would have kept it as an ongoing concern in good faith, and whether the keenness of the government, the Jewish community and numerous desperate families, precipitated the sale, is anyone’s guess. But the hard fact is that it has now been sold and Wyevale will surely be happy to show a healthier balance sheet.

As for the Etz Chaim School, it is now operational and the main building will start construction in the very near future. So why are the initial objectors still protesting? Why are they launching a legal challenge? What exactly are they objecting to when Wyevale, like any company, is entitled to sell off one of its assets? Surely they’re not expecting them to cancel the sale and reopen? That’s ludicrous! They know that will never happen.

That of course leaves but only one option that doesn’t require spelling-out. I was in the Etz Chaim School for a pre-Rosh Hashanah assembly with the two classes. It was so uplifting to see so many happy children in a safe and fun environment. I would recommend those who have now shown their true colours to venture into the school as well. It might help put paid to their mean-spiritedness and encourage them to be a little more child-friendly. Otherwise society really won’t like them.

Campus Kerfuffle

20/9/2011

Several years ago the UJS (Union of Jewish Students) which represents Jewish students on campuses throughout the UK, caused some controversy when they included condoms in their freshman welcome packs. “They’re going to get up to it anyway so we thought we might as well promote safe-sex.” I challenged their position at the time in the letters pages of the Jewish Chronicle, arguing that, “just because students choose to get up to something that may not conform to Jewish doesn’t mean a Jewish union has to look to accommodate the process. It’s tantamount to including McDonalds’ vouchers because you assume that many of them are likely to eat non-kosher anyway.” A light–hearted debate was staged between me and the then head of the UJS. It was always going to be impossible to win no matter how sound the arguments, when trying to present to students the traditional Jewish view on pre-marital sex. **

Recently the UJS has launched another highly controversial initiative. They are encouraging students to carry both Israeli and Palestinian flags to show that they support a two-state solution. I was made aware of this through one of my Twitter followers who linked me straight into the article in the Jewish Chronicle. The article’s author, Marcus Dystch asked for feedback and I immediately posted that “Jewish students have a hard enough time dealing with radicalism and delegitimization on campus. The UJS is wrong to draw them into politics.” Marcus re-tweeted and this immediately drew angry reactions some students. One insisted I do not and cannot understand the complex situation on campus. Yet another argued I was wrong and asked, “When was the last time you were a student on campus?”

While I may have left student life more than twenty five years ago, I am nevertheless acutely aware of what transpires on campus today. I’ve spoken to and engaged students on both sides of the Atlantic. I am in touch with numerous student chaplains and have listened to the complexity of the situation. I have debated on national television some of the radicals who look to make Jewish campus life hell. While listening and learning is not as real as living it, nonetheless there are many of us who do understand what students are going through.

I was abroad at the time of this exchange and found myself in the company of several American students some recently graduated others still on campus. I put the UJS position to them. Without exception they were shocked that a Jewish student body would look to meddle in politics and encourage freshman students to do the same. They were even more surprised and what one described as a “smarmy stance,” even as some of them share the same political viewpoints. When I tweeted this, someone countered that these students are not in the UK and don’t know the experience: “We’re not in Kansas anymore.”

It is at best gross naiveté to think that American students aren’t dealing with their own campus crises. Harvard Professor Alan Dershowitz has spoken worldwide about the challenges faced on US campuses. More recently I heard renowned American radio talk-show host Dennis Prager speak of the raging Anti-Semitism in American universities. What goes on in Birmingham goes on in Brandies. Maybe it’s just the usual contrast of attitude between American backbone and British pacifism.

Most disturbing however is the implication that this initiative is in direct response to the predicament many Jewish students face on campus as though carrying a Palestinian flag will assuage some of the rhetoric of the radicals. It won’t, anymore than taking your yarmulke off in the street will make Anti Semitism go away. There’s a reason those same fundamentalists won’t be seen carrying an Israeli flag alongside their Palestinian ones. Those who seek to delegitimize the State of Israel will always see red regardless.

What of those Jewish students who don’t support a two-state solution or others who simply don’t feel comfortable carrying a Palestinian flag at a time when they want to show staunch support for Israel? Is the UJS saying, “Embrace our politics, carry the flag or fight your own battles?” Does this become the fault line for acceptance within the UJS?

We may not be in Kansas but there are some faint hearted lions floating around the UJS who really need to stop playing the role of victim and get some backbone, rather than be seen bending over backwards to appease the oppressor. This is not about being for or against a two state solution. This is first and foremost about transcending all politics and uniting all Jewish students by joining ranks with other Jewish bodies in a common cause against radicalism and fundamentalism. Otherwise, united we stand divided we fall no matter how many flags you carry.

(** On reflection I cannot remember if this was a UJS or JSOC initiative. The JC archives don’t seem to date that far back)

Rebuilding After 9/11

12/9/2011

Most of us remember exactly we were ten years ago when the first planes struck New York’s World Trade Centres. We knew already then that this traumatic day would never be forgotten. The horrified soot covered faces of those running the scene, the billowing smoke rising for days on end; the streaming flow of people running the scene, every haunting detail of 9/11 assured that this would be forever etched in our memories.

The world today, ten years on is all the more vulnerable. Despite the decade that has passed, and all the intelligence, wars fought and technologies developed – we are no closer to world peace – if anything, it would seem, so much further away.

Some might feel as though it has little to do with them apart the extra hassles at airports and the occasion heightened alerts. But by and large we go on with our day to day and let others concern themselves with the threats that linger. Yet the truth is when freedom and democracy are threatened it impacts on all of us. We may not be at the fore of the war on terror in the practical physical sense, but this war is much more than a physical manifestation. It’s about chaos and disarray – and that is something we can get involved with. We can help to restore order by transforming our little pocket of our own world.

I attended a very special event yesterday (September 11th): The laying of a foundation stone for the redevelopment of a new community centre in the Mill Hill community. It was only after we ed the most convenient Sunday that the irony of its timing dawned upon us. It gave me cause to think: even as the Temple was destroyed some two thousand years ago on the 9th of Av, and Jerusalem lay in ruins, already then the Talmud says, the soul of Moshiach was created. Within the devastation, the future was being mapped out. Even after the ineffable events of the Holocaust, we responded by building our homeland, today the only democracy in the Middle East. And even as there was destruction and terror struck into all our hearts ten years ago, we find ourselves one decade on, looking to build and to invest for many years long into the future.

That is the story of the Jewish people all through history - to face challenges and to respond to them positively, refusing to give in to panic, bitterness, or self-pity. Our existence and achievements are a living testimony to one of Judaisms greatest messages to humankind: the principled defeat of tragedy by the power of hope.

We are all builders. We all have a role to play in fostering greater peace in the world. Brute mindless terrorists may have wrecked havoc and destroyed lives a decade ago. But they can never break our indomitable spirit. Anyone who ever visited Ground Zero can palpably feel the painful void, but yesterday I felt a powerful retort. We will not be deterred, we will continue to build, we will penetrate the darkness that others seek to bring into this world, with the light of spiritual luminescence.

As the war on terror continues to rage, we can draw some comfort in knowing that we are winning – not just on the battlefields, but by doing our part in building step by step, brick by brick, soul by soul for a better more peaceful more illuminating tomorrow.

Crackberry - The Movie

4/9/2011

If a picture is worth a thousand words then the following link to a short video-clip has got to leave you speechless. Im delighted to see that others are also picking up on my Crackberry Campaign. Not that its making a whole lot of difference I imagine, but if even one person disconnects...

Enjoy your viewing:
http://youtu.be/-XiSIGPIi7s

The Crackberry -
Coming Soon to a Marriage Near You!

16/8/2011

As a Rabbi I find myself doing a fair bit of relationship counselling. Over the course of time I have experienced all sorts of scenarios. While each case is different and often it is about giving the parties involved the tools by which to navigate through and manage their differences, there is a modern malaise that has infiltrated many a marital home and is literally ruining good relationships.

BBM is a term all Blackberry owners will be familiar with. The Blackberry Messenger is a way to communicate in real time between Blackberry phones. Essentially it is the same as text messaging but because it is seemingly so much quicker and costs nothing even across the world, it is the preferred method of communication between fellow users.

The first time a husband mentioned to me how it irritated him to see his wife on her Blackberry all the time, I thought he was little more than a control freak who was demanding his wife’s undivided attention. But over time, I started to hear this same complaint emerging numerous different couples and I’ve come to realise how for many it is a form of addiction. There are effectively three in the relationship and sometimes many more than that. After all, you can BBM as many friends as you want at the same time.

It goes without saying that communication is paramount in every relationship. When a husband and wife are home a hectic day, the kids are all tucked in and it is now “me” time, ordinarily, the very dynamics of a home environment necessitate that the couple then sit down and talk to each other. But when there’s such blatant distraction such that rather than talking, one spouse or the other is ‘bbm’ing’ or to be sure, just checking emails, or googling – all the same handheld device, it can devastate the relationship. Sometimes he or she will insist, “but we do talk,” even as they’re oblivious that they’re talking through their phones.

I wrote a piece a while back in the Jerusalem Post about the perils of Facebook, the impact it has on kids etc. and suggested Facebook timeout in every household. (Read the article by clicking here). I am going to suggest something more radical here and implore couples to switch their phones to ones other than Blackberry. Lest I be labelled a hypocrite, that’s for those who cannot help themselves. For those that can, have some Blackberry rules e.g. leave your phones downstairs; no Blackberry after 9.30PM etc. and certainly ensure you put your phone down any other time your spouse (or your kids) are talking to you. It’s not just agitating – it’s simply rude.

Some of you will be reading this and will have no clue what I am talking about. That’s good. You probably don’t own a Blackberry. Others will think I’m being alarmist and exaggerating the issue. I’m glad it’s not affecting you either. You obviously have some discipline in your relationship (unless you’re one of the many delusional ones who are missing the nuances and might wake up when it’s too late). I am quite certain however, that there are yet others who will readily identify with what I’m talking about. You’ll know the niggling feelings, maybe even the bickering that the Blackberry is generating. If you think it’s not really a problem and that your spouse is being unreasonable, think again. It’s not for nothing it’s been nicknamed the Crackberry. Addiction of any kind is unhealthy and can wreck havoc in a relationship. Blackberry is no exception.

All I Want Is A Role Model

12/8/2011

One of the heartening scenes in the midst of the English riots was the many taking to the streets, armed with broomsticks and sweeping up London. But brushing away the debris does not clear up the mindset that led to such anarchy in the first instance.

David Cameron defined parts of our society as ‘sick.’ Perhaps so, but which parts exactly was he referring to - the mindless thugs and opportunist yobs that burnt down buildings and ransacked shops? What about Laura Johnson a supposedly well-educated girl or Alexis Bailey, the primary school worker? Do we see them as “sick” hooligans? When you look at your postman as he hands you the mail do you see someone who is going to be kicking in the glass at Argos as soon as he ends his shift?

When a rioter Manchester said, “I’m not going to miss this chance to get stuff for free,” he revealed the materialistic and covetous society we have become. Ipads, mobile phones, designer gear, posh cars - mass marketing flaunts all sorts of new enticements in our faces and people crave the opportunity to lay their hands on the otherwise unattainable, reserved only for the wealthier classes. We want to drive faster cars, climb higher mountains, to push ourselves to the max. Everything must be newer, flasher, wilder, more amazing, more expensive, more groundbreaking, bigger, louder or cruder. When another looter declared, “I’ll just keep doing this every day until I get caught,” he reflected the reality that we live in a world that pushes its boundaries - that needs new degrees of sensationalism just to keep people remotely interested. Today we have road rage, plane rage, youth rage, age rage – new names for extreme new syndromes that encapsulate the corrosive impatience and instant anger which is just another feature of our want it now, want it faster, want it better world.

There’s a beast lurking within that looks to be unleashed. Thankfully most of us have it under control, whether for fear of the law or a conscience that discerns right wrong. For some however, given half an opportunity and it will rear its ugly head or leap out altogether and wreak havoc. They need an example, someone they could look up to, something they could aspire to be. Who could be that role model to help tame that beast for those that live by only one commandment, “Thou shall not get caught”? A Government whose liberal , has all but eradicated the first commandment of belief in G-d the social agenda? Their broken homes, many that have effectively abolished the seventh command against adultery and other such like insidious erosions of time honored family ? Perhaps the business elite, whom we see equipped with all the latest aforementioned luxuries? But did they get there some wonder, via Worldcom, Enron, or a touch of Madoff? Did they hack phones for inside information, exaggerate their expenses or violate anything else that falls into a category of commandment eight - “thou shall not steal”? That leaves the religious leadership , the very “men of G-d,” alas too many that went on to worship other G-d’s in breach of the second commandment; those gods being money, ego, their own inclinations and appetitive powers, and whatever other scandals that has rocked the clergy over the past decade.

This is not a vindication of the rioters’ deplorable actions. It merely suggests that if Mr. Cameron is looking to heal our sick society, then he needs to look a little beyond his glass house and think outside the box. He should remember the dictum of our Sages, “knowing the cause of the ailment is already half the cure.”

Silent Tears

15/7/2011

And Nadav and Avihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein...And there went out fire the G-d and devoured them, and they died before G-d. Then Moshe said to Aaron, “This is what G-d has said, ‘Among those who are near me I will become sanctified. And Aaron remained silent.

Several people contacted me in the last few days asking for any words of comfort.

Words ring hollow. Words cannot express the deep-seeded emotions we all feel at the moment. Anger, grief, sorrow, shock, dismay and many more sentiments are rolled into one raw mix. The wound is gaping and our present standpoint it looks as though it can never heal.

When a life is taken it always makes for a news item that may or may not get our attention. When its a young life many more stand up and take notice. When that innocent life is taken so brutally, people stand still and nod their heads in bewilderment. As this has now occurred unprecedented within the Jewish community, we are stunned into silence. That it happened through the hands of another Jew has taken this tragedy to indescribable extremities.

People talk about the unity generated by this tragedy. Sure great unity was demonstrated and yes we must all certainly strive to maintain more unity - to put aside our differences - break down the barriers - appreciate that united we stand, divided we fall. But we knew that and preached that long before. Do we need a tragedy of such magnitude to wake us up to that reality?

Its best not to talk. There is nothing to say. Pontificating is a futile exercise in the circumstances. And Aaron remained silent. Its not for anyone to preach and dictate emotions, nor to offer any spiritual spin or upside this ineffable event.

Some people will look inward and soul search asking themselves some hard questions: What did Leiby mean to me? Do I pass lost children on the street, whether literal or spiritual and just walk on by? What am I doing about unity in my own life, family, community? These may be questions one can reflect upon - but none of them will bring a beautiful soul back, none of them can reverse the trend, none of them can fill the void. Search within if you must, but dont worry about your anger, your tears, and dont believe for a minute that whatever meaningful resolutions you arrive at means that something positive has emerged this tragedy. There is nothing positive, nothing good, nothing meaningful or comprehensible to the human mind in any of this, full stop.

Which brings us to G-d: Lets be clear. G-d didnt kill an innocent child. Some deranged sadistic individual did. But we can ask why He didnt intercede, why He didnt enable us to find him sooner, why He didnt perform any number of miracles in keeping with the dictum of the Psalmist: G-d watches over the innocent. We dont have to simply shrug our shoulders and declare, Ours is not to ask why! We can ask and we should ask even as we know no answer is forthcoming. It is incumbent upon us to cry out, in the words of Moses, Why have you allowed evil to befall Your people?

We dont need to whitewash this tragedy with spiritual tears or look to ‘justify G-d’s actions’ as it were. We need to cry, insist, demand of G-d to simply keep to the promise He made to our matriarch Rachel: stem your voice crying and your eyes tears...as your children will yet again return home.

May all children find their way home safely and may all G-ds children finally make their way home to that long sought after dream of ultimate redemption.

As for that one beautiful child who never made it home...And Aaron remained silent.

Passing Time

6/7/2011

Someone turned to me the other day and remarked: “Rabbi, you’re turning the wrong side of forty.” I thought back to a conversation only a week earlier as I sat around a Friday night table in Slovenia with an eclectic mix of Jews all parts of Europe. One of them asked: “Rabbi, how old are you?” In classic feminine style I replied: “How old do you think I am?” Then began a conversation in German as to whether I was still in my thirties or was I forty already. Finally I chimed in: “Next week I become closer to fifty than to forty.” What with the language barrier one gentleman looked at me surprised: “You’re tuning fifty?” Another, obviously a little quicker on the uptake said, “No he’s turning 46.” Still they all looked surprised; which doesn’t surprise me, because I know I don’t act my age. If ever someone tells me to grow up my frank reply is, “I don’t want to.” I see too many stuff-coats and cantankerous men around me all the time, falling prey to their age and having a hard time dealing with it. Being young at heart maintains a vibrant mind and a dynamic soul.

My grandmother used to have this magnet on her fridge which read: “Age is a matter of the mind. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Or as the Lubavitcher Rebbe once replied to someone inquiring of his age: “Age is just something on the passport.”

The irony in the guy who told me I was turning the wrong side of forty is that people always under-guess my age while most people will always assume him to be older than he is. There is no wrong age unless it reflects your state of mind.

Still, the problem with guys like me is as we see the clock ticking we’re always on the run, never slowing down. In the last month alone I was in Brussels, Slovenia, Luxembourg and in a couple of weeks to all parts of Australia; all this while attending to my own community in Mill Hill, as well as being a husband, and father to five kids. And while it is in part our purpose in life to always aim high and strive to accomplish more, it begs a question, at what and at whose expense? What might we be missing in the process? What are we not stopping to look at, to enjoy and to relish along the way? The words of the following poem really capture the point:

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterflys erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down. Dont dance so fast. Time is short. The music wont last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, how are you? Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done! Do you lie in your bed,
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You better slow down. Dont dance so fast. Time is short. The music wont last.

Ever told your child, well do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die,
Cause you never had time, to call and say, hi
You better slow down. Dont dance so fast. Time is short. The music wont last.

When you run so fast to get some,
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift...thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music, before the song is over.

I know what my resolution is for my coming year.