Rabbi's Blog - March 2011

Pesach Cleaning or OCD?

29/3/2011

It’s that time of year again. By the time Passover rolls around, many a woman will sit at the Seder table with calloused hands. Men meanwhile will find the mounting pile of paperwork at the office over these next few weeks a welcoming sight. Of course no one has benefitted more Pesach cleaning than the tourist industry. For many, the enticement of not having to lift a finger makes the cost more than worthwhile. Crete to the Congo you can find a five-star Pesach experience virtually any in the world today. The food may not be Mama’s recipe, and sharing a dining-room with nine hundred people singing Vehi Sheamda in a variation of six different tunes - simultaneously, may not be as atmospheric as being surrounded by the warmth of family in the privacy of one’s own home; but it still ensures that tender hearts don’t start palpitating at the sight of Mr Muscle, Flash or Domestos.

No leavened matter shall be seen throughout your property. This is the one verse that transforms clean conscientious housewives into OCD on the verge of a breakdown. I know some women who go scrubbing in cupboards before Passover which hadn’t been opened since, well the last time it was cleaned, before the previous Passover. My dear mother displays more energy in her fastidious Pesach cleaning than Australian Emma Snowsill did when winning gold in the 2008 Beijing Triathlon. When we were younger there was perhaps always the risk that we would take food into the playroom in the basement. The last of my siblings moved out of home twelve years ago. That playroom hasn’t seen a morsel in all that time. Still, attention to detail in every nook and cranny of that room is no less today than it was back then.

I’ve spoken in the past on how Pesach has such a hold on history and why we are driven to such punctilious observance. It is precisely the ritual aspects of Pesach that has preserved the importance and intensity of the holiday so well. All the cleaning and scrubbing, the change of diet and habit is precisely what has so emblazoned Pesach on the Jewish psyche so that we always remember the birth of our nation. Indeed many non-observant Jews will run a mile a breadcrumb during the eight days. But I want to go on the record to say, Pesach cleaning is not spring cleaning and it is precisely the over-obsessiveness that risks turning one of our most exciting festivals into a dreaded experience. It’s almost as though we’re looking to relive the servitude in Egypt so that we can better appreciate the Exodus celebration when the holiday arrives.

On Passover we greet one another with Chag kosher v’sameach – “a kosher and happy Pesach.” The kosher bit is paramount. But for too many it comes at the expense of happy. If so, then something is desperately wrong.

“No leavened matter” means exactly that. It means no chametz food particles. It means certain sealed cupboards, koshered stoves and covered countertops. It does not mean going no man – or woman – or child - has gone before. It does not mean scrubbing the parquet floor till you’ve sanded the wood down an inch. It doesn’t mean spending hours scouring the bath – unless you really enjoy the occasional sandwich in there. And it certainly doesn’t mean that one should perceive Pesach preparation with the same trepidation as the Jews perceived their Egyptian taskmasters.

Wishing you a kosher and happy one! Next year in Jerusalem. The year after in Miami perhaps?

Bullying – Stamp It Out!

22/3/2011

Barack Obama admitted at a conference recently that he was bullied as a child. Addressing a bullying-prevention conference at the White House, the US President said that he was picked on as a child mostly because of his big ears and unorthodox name. “I didn’t emerge unscathed. But because it’s something that happens a lot, and it’s something that’s always been around, sometimes we’ve turned a blind eye to the problem,” he said.

Parents have different ways of dealing with bullying. Some take a blasé attitude, “kids will be kids,” and ignore the seriousness of the plight of their child. Others will do their duty by reporting the matter and shifting responsibility onto the school. Neither of these approaches is correct. Having to confront torment on a daily basis can have serious consequences on the emotional wellbeing of any child. We’ve all read in the press how far bullying can drive kids, even to the point of suicide. Parents need to keep an eye out for any change in the behaviour and/or demeanour of their child and never hesitate to confront the problem head on.

I recall as a child being targeted by one rather portly student. I can only assume he was a victim himself because of his rather large figure, and sought empowerment by seeking out someone else to pick on. I remember my parent’s approaching me while I was sitting by the piano and asking me what was wrong. Apparently, I was blinking rapidly, an obvious sign of nervousness. I don’t remember how they pried it out of me, but I can still see this guy approaching me the next day and apologising.

It was only by chance a number of years ago that I walked in on my then fourteen year old son having a hushed yet agitated conversation with a friend on the phone. I questioned him about it and he burst into tears. He was being picked on by some kid who was jealous of his popularity. My wife called his teacher. The conversation went something like this: “Rabbi O, do you have a minute?” “I’m really rather busy now if you don’t mind to call me later. But can I ask what it’s regarding?” “It’s about a bullying situation.” “I’m not busy anymore. You have my undivided attention.” That problem was nipped in the bud very quickly.

As the US President stressed to his audience of parents, teachers, students and community leaders, “sometimes we overlook the real damage that bullying can do, especially when young people face harassment day after day, week after week.” More parents and more teachers need to follow the lead of my parents and my son’s teacher. There’s a lot at stake, not least the future of your child, and sometimes life itself.

A Purim Gag Or Multi-Cultural Mish-Mash?

17/3/2011

According to news reports the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton will take place at Westminster Abbey but will incorporate traditions of other faiths. Some mehendi will be smeared on Kates hand in keeping with Muslim custom. A morsel of food will be exchanged between the couple in keeping with Hindu practice. And we Jews will also have place of prominence as William is set to break a glass underfoot.

Buckingham Palace spokesperson Esther Calthorpe-Watts said that the wedding is to reflect the multi-cultural nature of modern Britain. They want everyone to feel a part of the wedding.”

I guess this means there’ll be fishballs served up alongside shrimp and they’ll be dancing the hokey-cokey and the hora.

Give me a break! What is it with this politically correct neediness to be all things to all people? If you are Church of England and this is your (hopefully) one and only religious marriage ceremony then you ensure it is in keeping entirely with your own traditions. I think it makes a mockery of the individual faiths, let alone the couple themselves who have no inherent appreciation for the rituals as it has nothing to do with their religious beliefs.

All that said, on further reflection I have to assume this is one of the Jewish Chronicle’s annual pre-Purim windups. The name Esther is always a dead giveaway and a quick Google search for Esther Calthorpe-Watts flags up only the websites gullible enough to repeat the JC story.

Still, the reason why this gag is all the more believable, and why I nearly fell for it, is because the pursuit of this multi-cultural hodgepodge is all the rage these days. People of religion, particularly Jews, do bend over backwards to incorporate other faith practice and ritual into that of their own in the belief that it will somehow help foster greater harmony in society. It won’t! The pursuit of beauty pageant world peace should not come at the expense of religious commitment. Stick to the ideals of your own faith, pursue the depth and beauty of your own religion, and people will respect you more for who you are and what you stand for.

Kudos to the JC for a good gag that many will fall for mostly because they’ll actually think it’s a lovely Royal gesture. Some will probably be disappointed when they determine it was all a joke. What they need to understand is it is precisely multi-cultural mish-mash that is the biggest joke of all.

The Tragedy in Itamar

13/3/2011

Anyone with a modicum of emotion could not help but be moved to tears by the devastating news of the massacre of the Fogel family in Itamar, Israel. The perpetrators of this atrocity are the lowest form of humanity - cowards in the extreme. To brutally murder a toddler and a newborn baby makes one wonder what sort of twisted mindset can resort to such barbarism.

Then again it should come as no wonder when considering the daily consumption of hate against Israel that is preached in mosques and taught in classrooms. Anyone of countless brainwashed Palestinians could have carried out this shocking attack. What pushes one madman over the edge over another is most likely attributable to pressure or encouragement those who look to take advantage of the most damaged minds. The point being, even when apprehended, its not just the cold-blooded murderers that must be held to account but their handlers, their mentors, indeed the whole system which contributes in one form or another to this monstrosity shares in the responsibility.

This then raises a bigger question: the doves will insist that this is a consequence of protracted peace negotiations and that the sooner there is peace the stronger the assurance of stability these attacks will cease. The hawks will argue that for all the conversations about peace treaties, how can Israel even fathom striking agreements with people who at their core remain committed to Israels annihilation? How can you give back land and invite bloodthirsty neighbors further into your own territory you will invariably be exposing yourself to even further risk to human life? Thus the question is: is it a peace agreement first then anticipated stability or a lengthy period of proven stability followed by a considered peace agreement? To my mind, in the words of Moshe Dayan, “you make peace with your enemy, not your friend.” But for that to happen, you need to know that your enemy hasn’t been indoctrinated through the classroom and all forms of media to perceive you as inherently evil. Otherwise, whatever the compromise, whatever delicate balances you are going to strike, however fragile the tightrope, you’re not going to achieve a lasting peace. For that to happen, it has to all begin at grassroots level the next generation is raised with the ideal of tolerance instead of hate, peace in place of war and above all else the sanctity of human life, regardless of it being a three month old child or a soldier on patrol.

Meanwhile, what are we as Jews to think of this atrocity? What words can we seek, what comfort can we summon? I know someone whose son was killed by a car while crossing the road to synagogue on Shabbat. You never quite recover something like that. But when during the week of mourning a woman asked her: “How could you continue believing in G-d after something like this happened to you?” She countered: “It is only because I believe in G-d that I don’t go completely out of my mind.” In other words, we can never comprehend the incomprehensible and that for as long as I know G-d is holding my hand, I can persevere.

By the same token, Abraham did not sit idly by when G-d was going to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. Moses cried out to G-d and asked, “Why do you allow evil to befall these people?” as the Jews languished in Egypt. While there is a reason for everything to happen as it does – and while we don’t always know what that reason might be – to my mind, as a three dimensional mortal being confined to the limitations of time and space, I reserve the right to cry out to G-d and challenge Him: “Why are you allowing this to happen? How dare You allow for this to happen?” It’s the balance the Jew has to struggle with in life – the fine line he has to walk between reserving the right to express his upset and maintaining his faith nonetheless.

A grandfather was once talking to his grandson, sometime after the Holocaust. He said: I feel as though I have two wolves fighting inside my heart. One wolf is full of anger, despair and hopelessness. The other is full of compassion, strength and hope. The grandson asked: Which wolf will win the fight in your heart? The grandfather answered: “The one that I feed.”

We Jews have a unique capacity for rising the ashes. More than anything else, we need to strive toward greater unity and harmony amongst ourselves. Haman recognised one fault in the Jewish people of his time: “There is one nation spread out and fragmented.” That’s precisely what made us vulnerable and enabled all things negative to befall us. Esther’s first and immediate instruction was, “Go and gather ‘all’ the Jews.” As we navigate through the haze of this ineffable event, we need to appreciate that what unites us is greater than that which divides us. This in turn will fortify us as we seek comfort in one another and work together to build toward a harmonious future.

I’ve asked the question leading peace activists in Israel, “in lies the greater threat? With our Arab neighbours or amongst our own?” The answer always comes back the same: “Amongst our own.” It’s wonderfully idealistic to talk about peace with our enemy but the starting point has got to be, not the real enemy without, rather the perceived enemy within.

When we understand that our true salvation lies with our Father in heaven, and we appreciate the very real need to band together, then the Hamans who have total disregard for human life will be eradicated and we will merit true and everlasting peace forever more.

Is The Jewish Leadership Council In Crisis?

11/3/2011

When I first started out in the Mill Hill community I immediately realised how privileged I was to minister to a congregation that contained a broad range of communal leaders. These included Lord Levy who was the then chairman of Jewish Care, Michael Goldmeier, former Honorary Officer of the United Synagogue and subsequent chairman of Jewish Care, Brenda Katten who headed the Zionist Federation, Peter Ohrenstein of Scopus, Alan Millett, former appeals chairman of the UJIA, Geoffrey Pinnick who manages the All Aboard shops for the Board of Deputies and several others.

The logical thing to do was to make much use of this incredible resource. After all, if they could give so much to the wider community, why shouldn’t I take advantage of them at a local level? I set up a think tank to include all of them. We met once every other month to discuss and strategise how to take the community forward. Essentially it served as the catalyst that enabled the growth of Mill Hill to it is today.

So when I first learnt of the establishment of the Jewish Leadership Council, it made a lot of sense to me. It was essentially doing the same thing albeit on a grander scale. Heads of different charities and organisations as well as other communal leaders were all pooled together to benefit the wider Anglo-Jewish community.

The one concern I had with my think tank was that it should not be seen to undermine the Synagogue Board in anyway, and was really there to brainstorm on ideas of how to broaden the potential and appeal of the community. necessary these ideas would then be presented to the Synagogue Board and implemented accordingly. In keeping with a similar logic, the JLC, so as not to undermine the Board of Deputies, appointed as its head the president of the Board of Deputies. This ensures that one organisation would complement rather than undermine the other.

While a Board has to be democratically elected, a think tank does not. It has no power nor does it seek it. It has no official voice, nor does it look to express one. I disagree with those who argue that the JLC should be democratically elected. We should applaud the initiative and willingness of our key communal players to want to come together to brainstorm and help guide our community through thick and thin. But when they start to become vocal, exercise influence or tread they don’t belong then the legitimacy of the organisation has to be called into question.

The recent resignation of Lord Levy, one of the founders of the JLC, and a leading charity such as the JNF pulling out, suggests that the JLC is losing the plot too soon after its inception. Whether this reflects a weakness of its titular head, Vivian Wineman, or is more to do with big boys wanting a bigger piece of the action, it is imperative that they do an urgent self-assessment to determine they are going wrong and look to get back to basics. As I know my own experience there is a lot of real opportunity here. It would be a crying shame if it all became yet another typical flash in the pan Anglo-Jewish initiative.

Having A Bad Day?

10/3/2011

I don’t typically tend to pass on those random emails one gets – especially those that promise you good luck if you forward it to ten other people, or bad luck if you break the chain. But there is one I received recently a near family member that really tickled my fancy. I don’t know how true the stories are – but the message is clear and in the spirit of the upcoming festival of Purim, a time when we strive to all feel good, I thought I might share an edited version here.

If you think you’re having a bad day, consider the following:

In an American hospitals Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11:00AM, regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had something to do with the super natural. No one could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11:00 AM Sunday, so a team of experts was assembled to investigate the cause of the incidents The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11:00AM all of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy objects to ward off the evil spirits Just when the clock struck 11:00, Pookie Johnson , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.

If you still think you’re having a bad day, then spare a thought for this guy:

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically, almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away the deadly current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

If that doesn’t put your gloomy emotions into perspective then take into account this final one:

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet didnt pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with Return to Sender stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb; he opened it and was blown to bits.

Feeling better now?

Lost in the Post

4/3/2011

In a previous blog posting back in November entitled “Will He, Won’t He?” (read it here) I considered whether the Chief Rabbi would be attending the Royal Wedding in April. Points for consideration included whether the Chief Rabbi would go into the Church for the ceremony or perhaps send a representative.

Still, it turns out this is no longer a matter for speculation. According to the Jewish News (see here) the Chief Rabbi did not get an invite to what will go down as one of the Royal events of the Century. Was it lost in the post? Perhaps as with many simchos with all the best intentions in the world, you always forget someone on the list. Or does it reflect the status of the Office of the Chief Rabbinate and the fact that perhaps it has lost some of its lustre? After all, Dr Tony Bayfield of the Reform movement did receive one.

Or maybe it’s none of the above. There is a halachic ruling that it is wrong and misleading to invite someone to an event you know they won’t be able to attend anyway. This falls into a category of genevat da’at – (lit. stealing one’s mind) i.e. deceiving them. What with the Royal wedding being on a Shabbat, Clarence House is all too aware that the Chief couldn’t possibly attend. In keeping with Jewish law and to spare blushes all around, they therefore opted not to send one to him in the first instance.

It follows then, as with many occasions a second list is drawn up based on first refusals, perhaps the invitation received by Dr. Bayfield – for whom Shabbat is less of a concern –may well have been the second class native.

Whatever happened to the good old spin doctors of the OCR (Office of the Chief Rabbi)? They would have pounced on this one.

Addendum:

Exactly one week since this posting I can now confirm that the Chief Rabbi has expressed delight at having received an invitation to the Royal Wedding. Think someone called in to complain? Was it really lost in the post such that it arrived a week after everyone else? Or maybe someone at the Office of the Chief Rabbi, or better still, at Clarence House, reads this blog?

When G-d Is On My Side - Up To A Point!

3/3/2011

Do you ever consider the small, uncanny coincidences in your life and realise that G-d really is on your side? Sometimes its simply a matter looking around you and being grateful for small mercies.

As with many parents, theres always one part of a family holiday that I dread. The journey. It could be a plane, train or automobile, but that vital step necessary to get you point A to point B can prove quite an experience.

Im a veteran at flying with kids. Ive been doing so for almost 21 years. So either Im getting old or my toddler is just that much more of a challenge than her now grown up siblings.

My first stroke of luck came when the moving sidewalks in Heathrows Terminal 4 were broken. I could only but picture my little daughter insisting on riding it again and again, either with or against the flow of traffic and causing us to have to rush for our flight. The barriers in front were a welcoming sight. I cast a glance heavenward and whispered a small thanks.

Its a long eight hours to New York which is even longer when a two-year-old, otherwise accustomed to daily walks outdoors, is confined in a tin can for all that time. I have vivid recollections of our trip to Israel last summer, only half the distance, and the way she chose to amuse herself for much of the four hour journey. The disgruntled Israeli in the seat in front didnt take kindly to the tap-the-bald-spot game. The English woman behind was far more understanding (she must have been a mother herself) until my daughter started to throw things. So when I observed on this trip to NY that the seat immediately in front and behind her were empty, I breathed a sigh of relief. The travellers prayer was recited with added fervour. G-d really was on my side.

Still, she wouldnt let us down entirely and when the stewardess came to complain about the launched missile (a plastic spoon) striking a lady three rows behind in the eye, I realised she wouldnt have gone stir crazy were it not for the fact that the movie screens were broken and there were no cartoons with which to entertain herself. Broken sidewalks - √. Broken screens - X.

Thank you G-d for Your mercies. I know I cant have it all.